When things heat up, ask yourself, ‘What’s my intent?’

Before you lose it, stop and ask yourself, “What’s my Intent?”  It’s our purpose—
what we want to have happen.  One of the reason things heat up is we lose sight of our intent.  If we’re going to stay cool, we must constantly ask ourselves, “What’s my intent—what do I want to have happen here?”  It’s very easy to get pulled away from our intent.  In the book, Crucial Conversations, they discuss a number of deviations from our intent—we can see these in ourselves, sometimes, or they can cause us to react to the other person.  Two of the most common ones?   Getting defensive and wanting to win.  Both create conflict.  We need a win-win to stay cool!  Read more in my article http://j.mp/1CHNh95 

When Things Heat UP─the way we look and sound have impact!

 

The way we look and sound in a situation—and the way the other person looks and sounds—can have a lot to do with things heating up.  We call this the Process and can look at it from both ‘sides’ when things heat up.  Did the way you looked and sounded when things heated up help escalate the situation?  And, did you react to the other person’s facial expressions and body language or tone of voice?

It can be as simple as being a frowning thinker.  Frowning thinkers look mad!  And sarcasm is all about changing the meaning of the words by changing the tone of voice.  Many of us react to this tone, causing things to heat up!

Read more in my article http://j.mp/1CHNh95

 

How to Stay COOL When Things Heat UP!

 

When things heat up, we can blame the heat—and our reaction—on a little critter.  Our lizard brain!  Otherwise known as the amygdala, it holds emotional memory—fear, anger—and ‘helps’ us react without thinking.  Seth Godin—the author and blogger whose TED Talks are very popular—calls it our ‘lizard brain.’  He says, “Your lizard brain is here to stay.  Your job is to figure out how to quiet it and ignore it.” 

Agenda: the anchor that keeps your meeting from drifting aimlessly

A good agenda will help keep the meeting from drifting aimlessly. When a thorough agenda is sent out ahead of time participants will be more likely to come prepared, you'll receive more buy-in, and a greater sense of inclusiveness will develop. Be sure your agenda includes the basics:

• Meeting date, time and place
• Purpose of meeting─write at the top of the agenda
• Meeting protocol—may be on agenda and/or posted
• Leader or facilitator, Participants—name, department. Be sure stakeholders are in the meeting if their area or department is involved.
• Write each agenda item as a goal or action. Rather than: Discuss budget, write it as a specific task that needs doing: Define budget categories and develop tentative amounts in each category.
• Identify the nature of each item: 1) Discussion 2) Brainstorm for ideas 3) Decision 4) Information
• Provide background information with the item
• Assign a participant responsible for each item
• Indicate time allocated for each item

And write the purpose of the meeting on a board or chart paper.  Then, when someone strays from the purpose, you can point at it!  Have post-its on the table and a Parking Lot posted.  If someone brings up an off-the-subject item, ask them to post it on the Parking Lot.  Be sure to follow up with them after the meeting.

Everyone appreciates a meeting that is led effectively and stays on time.  A good agenda will help you accomplish this!

Get buy-in and improve meetings─have the group evaluate the meeting

A recent survey by cloud-based presentation platform Prezi, in collaboration with the Harris Group, found that 46% of American workers admitted to texting, checking email or social media, browsing the web, or even falling asleep during a meeting.  Besides being rude and showing a lack of social awareness, what could be the cause? 

One thought? Lack of buy-in on the part of the group.  Besides sending out a thorough agenda ahead of time, coming prepared and keeping the group focused, consider having the group fill out a brief evaluation just before leaving the meeting.  If you act on their suggestions, it will give them buy-in.  And, it will give you ideas for improving the next meeting.

Are you ready for the next meeting?

At a recent Professional Development Program I led for the Washington State Association of Counties, a County Commissioner had a brilliant idea! When leading presentation skills, I give the group a planning sheet to fill out before each presentation.  Her idea?  Think about these questions enroute from one meeting to the next.  That way you arrive at the next meeting prepared to focus, contribute and read the other participants.  I have another form to fill out for those leading a meeting─with ideas for preparing for the meeting ahead of time.  Yet I thought her idea of using this form─having these questions in mind as she moved to the next meeting─was a terrific idea.  Here are the questions:

1. What is the situation?

2. What do I need to accomplish?

3. Who is the audience? Who will be involved?

4. What will influence or persuade them─their criteria?

5. What do I need to focus on regarding my nonverbals?

6. What reaction do I expect the audience to have? What are some nonverbal behaviors they may demonstrate that will give me clues as to their reaction?

May you be prepared for the next meeting and the meeting after that and the meeting after that...  All day long!

New ownership means great service at coffee shop!

The coffee shop next door to my condo is now under new management─Mark's the owner and Maddie's the head barista. I stopped in to welcome them and let them know that it was an uphill battle. The last ownership and staff did pretty much nothing right.  One night soon thereafter I walked by and noticed the only light was coming from the open door...to the kitchen. Stopped in the next day and suggested they leave one of the table lamps on near one of their many, welcoming seating areas. Checked it out that night and there it was! OH, and they remembered my name when I stopped in to say, "Hooray!" the next day. Clearly they know how to listen and understand customer service! Besides that, they make wonderful coffee and serve delicious food. And, they now have a selection of local brews that hit the spot when you need a beer. Next time you're in Seattle and near the Olympic Sculpture Park, stop in and pick up lunch or coffee. Then you can walk the half-block to the Park and enjoy great views and great food. They're on First Avenue between Broad and Eagle. (Yes, a very short street that gives you a direct view toward the Eagle by Calder in the Park...). Great food, great coffee, great brews and great service - with a smile! 


And they leave the light on...