Plan before you write to get results

So much of our communication today is through writing─largely emails. Some experts suggest that 30% of our emails are sent to clarify a previous email. What we need to do is focus on planning before we write. In fact, it is suggested that we spend 20% of our time planning a document, 25% of our time drafting it, a big 45% revising it and 10% of the total time proofreading it. I have no doubt President Lincoln followed a similar formula. Here's a list of questions to ask─and answer─as you plan any written document:

1. What’s the purpose of the document?

2. Who is my reader? Who is the audience? Position and decision-making authority, age, gender, education, personality type? Relationship to me? Are they formal? Informal?

3. How much does my reader know about the topic? Need to know? Want to know?

4. What reaction do I expect the reader to have? Hostile, receptive, biased, ambivalent? Are there special sensitivities between the reader and me or my company or organization?

5. What are the relevant points to cover? Check out mind mapping as an excellent technique for capturing your relevant points.

6. What do I want my reader to do after reading it? How do I want my reader to respond? Be clear and specific.

7. By when? What’s my deadline? It's a good idea to watch your tone with this last one. How about, "Please have your report to me by 3:00 on Friday, June 25, so it can be included in the department report to the board."

A little planning goes a long way toward getting the results you want.

Exercise verbal aikido and avoid getting hooked!

Our title borrows from a form of martial arts. The goal of aikido is to effectively neutralize an attack while maintaining the safety of the attacker and defender. Aikido uses the energy of the attack itself to immobilize the aggressor. They push; you pull; they pull, you push. You don’t challenge them.

We can apply the same principle in communication by using a technique called Limited Response. When someone throws out a sarcastic remark it's as though they're casting a fishing line with a big hook on the end. Don't bite! It's the tone that hooks us, so we need to repeat what they said─in our head─without the tone. Then we can respond to the seemingly neutral remark with an equally neutral remark.

In other words, we respond only to the subject of a remark, not the emotion behind it. For example, if you come into a meeting a bit late and a sarcastic co-worker says, "Nice of you to join us." You could come back with a defensive comment or an equally sarcastic one. Instead, repeat their remark in your head without the sarcastic tone. A likely response? "Thank you"─said in a very neutral tone. The big payoff for you? The sarcastic person will cast about for a fish, er, person who is more likely to grab their hook.

Want more empathy? Read more fiction!

Just read an article about an interesting study which found that: "People who frequently read narrative fiction scored higher on tests of both empathy (the ability to understand and identify with another person's feelings) and social acumen (the ability to make quick judgments of people and situations)." In addition, the study found that "frequent reading of non-fiction was associated with poorer empathy and social acumen." As I've written in previous posts, empathy is one of the cornerstones of Emotional Intelligence and EI (or EQ) has been shown to be a crucial leadership skill.

With that in mind, thought I'd share the most recent fiction that I thoroughy enjoyed.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery is about a concierge in a French condomium building. She tries diligently to hide her true self from the residents and is found out by a new resident. The other narrator is a young resident who is planning suicide. Quite a look at how we perceive one another and the impact simple kindness can have on others.

Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese is the story of orphaned twin brothers who are raised by two doctors in Ethiopia. Those who traditionally don't read fiction, and are fascinated by medicine and the history of Ethiopia will enjoy this novel. As you get caught up in the story, you'll also be likely to develop empathy for the characters.

Use sensory recall when things heat UP!

In February I wrote about how effectively Olympic athletes use visualizations and promised another post about how we can use visualization to calm ourselves when dealing with a stressful situation or person. Get ready to rela-a-a-a-x.

Think of a place where you feel very calm. You might be hiking in the mountains, fishing, on a beach, reading a book, playing music, soaking in a tub of bubbles─it's a different place for each of us.

You want to be able to recapture the feeling that you have when you are there. Actors call it sensory recall and use the technique to get into the mood of the scene or the emotions of their character. You can use it when things heat up!

Try it with me. Get comfortable and shut your eyes. Recall everything you can about your favorite relaxing place—getting in touch with all your senses.
• Take a deep breath. What do you smell?
• What do you hear?
• How does the air feel? What are you touching or wearing?
• What do you see?

I'm about to head to Rancho La Puerta─a health spa in Mexico where I lead programs for guests and staff. I also enjoy a lot of exercise, eat wonderful food, meet delightful people, take lots of naps and rela-a-a-a-x. Here are some of the scents, sounds, sensations and sights of the Ranch:
• The scent of rosemary, lavender and flowers, flowers, flowers.
• The sound of the breeze rustling through the palm trees and the trickle of water in the many pools.
• The warm sun and my favorite orange hoodie that's so soft.
• Beautiful Mount Kuchumaa, the rolling meadows, the gorgeous grounds.

All it takes is the scent of lavender and I'm back at Rancho La Puerta─totally relaxed. What will take you back to your favorite place (Yes, some people call it their happy place!) when you need to get there? And I mean quickly!

Turning away customers with a blame game attitude

I had the honor of hearing Karl Albrecht, co-author of Service America!, speak and I’ll never forget three things he said: "Customer satisfaction relates to attitude. Service is about feelings. However your employees feel is how your customers are going to feel…sooner or later.” What attitude do you project to your customers? Certainly our tone of voice and facial expressions have a lot to do with it—and so do the words we choose. I’ve compiled a list of what I call Red Flag words and phrases; let’s look at a few of those and the attitude they suggest:

“You should have let us know earlier if you needed it tomorrow.”

“You’ll have to get a purchase order to us if we’re to expedite this order.”

“Why didn’t you let us know about this earlier?”

You should have… You’ll have to… Why didn’t you…? You might as well shake your finger at your customers and tell them, “It’s your fault, you’re bad, bad, bad.” Often when a customer needs something right away it’s because they just found out. OR, they just realized they forgot to do something. Of course, then they’re mad at themselves. The last thing they need is us telling them they’ve messed up. A little empathy goes a long way! How about we replace the Red Flag phrases with polite phrases that show some empathy:

“I can see why you were unable to order this earlier; let’s see what we can do.”

“May I ask you to fax your purchase order to us? Our fax number is…”

“If you anticipate needing any of these supplies in the next six months, we’re happy to keep them in stock for you. Is this a good time to review a list of your potential needs?”

The customer may not always be right, yet we certainly don't need to make them wrong!

Your Dress Code: Part of your branding initiative

According to David Acker, author of Building Strong Brands, “A brand is a set of associations that provides a distinct image and the basis for a loyal relationship.” Certainly the appearance of those employees your customers and clients come into contact with has an enormous impact on that image.

In many cases, employees have little idea what to wear to project the appropriate image. In a study conducted by Marketing Professor Dennis Tootelian of California State University, Sacramento, 68% of the participants said they are uncertain about the differences among business attire, business causal and casual. And, 62% said they had felt inappropriately dressed at a business or a social function.

And, according to Robert M. Howie, Chair of the Labor and Employment Law practice group at Riddell Williams P.S., “Hostile workplace claims often start as a failure to enforce a professional dress code. [And, we must] ensure that dress codes are enforced consistently to avoid disparate treatment claims.”

Your challenge seems clear. Make sure you have a professional dress code in place; one that reflects your corporate brand and the image you want to project. And, be sure you enforce it consistently.

Four essential factors in communication

 

There are four essential factors in communication—our intent, criteria, content and process. With a situation in mind, explore each of these with me.

Our intent is our purpose—what we want to accomplish in the exchange. So often a conversation is like a pinball machine—we pull a lever and that little steel ball just ricochets off this peg and that. A good conversation is more like archery. We must take careful aim if we want to hit the mark.

I'll give you three synonyms for the second essential factor in communication: our criteria, expectations or needs. These are the relevant factors to be taken into consideration. Each of us can bring very different criteria to the same situation. Some of us want things right now, others want things to be perfect, while still others want to avoid conflict. It's important that we share our criteria with the person we're talking to.

The content is what we end up talking about. If we haven't made our intent clear and haven't shared our criteria, the content can become the battleground. There are two words that signal the discussion we're having is about to deteriorate into an argument. We call them absolutes—always and never. "You're always late." "Am not." "Are too." "Am not." "Are too." Conversation over and nothing accomplished.

The last essential factor in communication is the process—how we communicate. Albert Mehrabian in his book, Silent Messages, determined that if our message is incongruent, people will depend on what they see—our facial expressions and body language—for 55% of the message they receive; what they hear—the tone, volume, pace and pitch of our voice—for 38% of the message they receive; and our words for a mere 7% of the message people receive. These statistics refer to face-to-face conversations and IF our communication is incongruent. We want to make sure our voice and body language agree with the words that we way. We need to strive for congruent communication.

When we are careful to share our intent and criteria with others, when we think through our content and process, we are much more likely to get the results we want.